As long as you fight back, trying not to give in to the feelings that arise, the longer it will continue. When you fully surrender to the moment, accepting all emotions truly as they are, you free yourself from suffering. You gain a deeper understanding, a higher view and a loving approach to your whole being; the inner child, the protector, the judge, the mother… ~ all aspects of You. You open the doors for your next step on your journey called Life.
The only thing that truly connects me to the core of everything, was the one thing I had set aside.
I found that I was escaping from myself, building barriers, bigger and stronger than before and that I calmly found myself on the outside tryin to figure out what was happening. It was an interesting feeling as I was calm all the time and kind of watching myself from the outside, but my body was in a high level stress-mode.
What happened was that I, without noticing, had changed my focus on the outside, building up beliefs of what I was supposed to accomplish and how. It triggered the warrior in me, and I lost contact to my inner core whilst my protector built walls around me to save me from possible disappointment and grief ~ it felt unreal and I was trying to find out how to release the grip that the tension had on me. It was a high level of stress, an old alarming system that I now learned more deeply how it feels and why it got triggered.
I’m glad that I was led into a dark night of the soul, giving me the opportunity to learn, let go and change, to heal. I really needed to get to know my inner protector, how she works, why she got triggered and how it feels in my physical body so that I can calm her down and find the healing within.
I had put myself aside, I had diminished myself and put outside values as my lead and it caused a short circuit in my inner system, my inner self. When I finally saw it, I found out that I was actually fighting against myself, my ego, and against what I wanted to learn and accomplish. My inner protector, triggered in my brain, was only doing her job protecting me, a bit too much though. I learned to know her and am now able to calm her down when needed, to talk to her and accept her as a very important part of me. She holds every bit of my experiences in her hands, she is overprotective and that’s where I need to be in contact with her, talking to her and calming her down when needed, so that she can let go and have faith, knowing that I am safe and all is well. Saying Yes to Life, Saying Yes to Myself.
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